October

A Yelp
A cry for help.
I’m crumbled like a child.
God knows I still feel like one.
Sweep my soul away;
I’ve got nothing good to say.

Tenderless, devour what’s left of me.
Treat me like a stranger—
It will be easier this way.
It will be easier to act like I don’t know you,
Or see your failing bones three times per day.

Leave me unconscious, undefeated.
I’m infatuated with your scent.
I have nothing else to yearn for.
The only thing worth missing
Are the rainy streets of October—
An October in Ireland I’ll never let go of.

It will never come back to me,
Like you.
Wishing you were here,
I’d strangle you, kick you, slap you,
Scream at you from the top of my lungs.
God knows I’m not able to do that.

Silence will be the better answer.
Everything can be answered—
Implicit response,
Difficult treelines.
I’m creating endless hallways
To hide me forever
And let rage deal with me,
To finally disappear.

Why, if you ask me,
Why don’t you speak?
I’ll stay silent.

For this I write—
For all the times I stayed quiet,
For all the times I wanted to avoid a fight,
For all the times I’ve been let down,
For all the times I wanted to die.